Alden Malcomson

MALCOMSON, Alden Richard…

March 20, 1943 – February 4, 2022

Our Dad passed away peacefully on Friday February 4, 2022, at 8 a.m. at Parkwood Hospital in London, Ontario – on the cusp of his 79^th year.

When in late September 2021 it became clear that his cancer had returned and worsened, he accepted his condition and was actually pleased to be admitted to Parkwood Hospital. “They have good meatloaf there,” he recalled.

Alden was a good man who lived life simply and with a strong connection to nature, his home and family, and music. He loved helping others and being part of his communities. His favourite pastimes were those involving music, gardening, reading, finding resourceful and clever life hacks, and chatting with people. He loved making people laugh (groan, actually).

Alden is preceded in death by his wife of 53 years, Carole (nee Robertson) Malcomson, parents Joseph Malcomson and Jean (nee Scantlebury) and his brother Jim. He is also survived by Jim’s wife Elly, and their daughters Nancy and Sherryl.

The best of Alden lives on in his children Kelly-Anne (Catherine) and Paul (Paula). He could not have been prouder of his grandsons Evan (Avery) and James (Kennedy).

Of Irish/Scottish descent, Alden was born in Toronto, younger brother to Jim. He grew up in Mimico and went to Gordon Graydon Secondary School. As a teenager he played saxophone in the stage band and was on his school’s football and baseball teams. He loved to tell the story of how a baseball not only broke his nose but knocked it all the way across his cheek to settle under his eye.

As a high school student, he worked at the CNE where he first met Carole. She was always his “Honey Dew Girl” and he adored her. They married in May of 1966. Some of his happiest times were the hours spent in the gardens they created together. They were married for 53 years until her passing on December 31, 2018.

Alden was 24 years young when Kelly was born. He had advocated for an androgenous name, and loved the fact that his daughter climbed trees, caught frogs, and played sports – and much later accepted that she loved women. Music, resourcefulness, and conversation were loves he passed along to her. Paul came along four years later. Alden often joked about his own unusual name – which was regularly misspelled or mispronounced – and didn’t particularly want to pass that on. Instead, he proudly shared with his son the middle name, “Richard”. Appreciation for Halloween, family vacations and hanging out in the backyard were loves he passed along to Paul.

We lived in Tottenham for a while, then Brampton Bramalea. In 1974, we moved to London – Oakridge – not far from where Paul, Paula, Evan, and James live now. Alden had a warmth that accepted people unconditionally – we fostered a kid, billeted other people’s kids, even hosted random neighbour kids on holidays. Dad always welcomed our friends.

All his life, he worked hard to provide for his family. A great talker and good with people, he made many great friendships along the way. As a young man he worked in a bank, moving into equipment sales first with Case and John Deer, then for many years with Hesston, Hardi and others. Top salesman of the year more than once, he and Carole were awarded great tropical vacations. In between gigs with the farm equipment industry, he sold computers and real estate.

Music was a huge love for him – he played saxophone, clarinet, and sang in many choirs including performing in many London Musical Theatre productions. He fulfilled a lifelong dream when he opened the Clef To Coda music store in Strathroy. Alden’s music store was a gathering place for folks seeking lessons, instruments, or good old-fashioned conversation. When he sold the business, he returned to equipment sales, retiring from Mohawk at age 70ish.

Regardless of which church community he belonged to, Alden volunteered with his whole self: singing, camping with the youth group, churchyard work, and hauling “stuff” with his truck and utility trailer. He lent creative spark often, even coordinating his stage band to play a dance at the church – it was a hit.

He regularly live-trapped skunks and squirrels from the garden and drove them out to the country to set them free. His heart was so big: caring for his garden, his home, his wife, his family…and critters, no matter how pesky.

His legacy includes a lot of old photos – he’s not in many of them because he’s behind the camera. He was always the guy with the camera, ready to capture a moment of beauty in their garden or some happy family time. I love him for that. What a gift.

This next part of the story is going to occur as abrupt, but I’m invoking the right to be vague about messy family dynamics.

When Carole died, Alden was lost. His grief took him out for months. He was angry and hard to be with. He shut most people out, and his home became a museum. He did some mean things with his paperwork and told no one. In October 2019, he was diagnosed with cancer, and in January 2020 underwent surgery to remove the cancer which triggered several heart events. We thought he was dying. We gathered at his hospital bed and had some tough conversations. We held him to account for the unkind and hurtful things he’d said and done. I asked him if he loved us and if he was proud of us. I had to ask because, for a long time, whenever we said, “I love you Dad”, he’d just say “Yeah, I know.” We always wished he would say it back. I have no doubt that he had deep feelings, he just didn’t know how important it was to communicate them.  Within a few hours of that confrontation, he apologized for the things he’d said and made amends for the things he’d done. And he told us, “I love you more than you know. Will you forgive me?” The power of love and forgiveness is hard to articulate.

While he recovered from his heart events and surgery, he and I began to have regular Saturday morning phone and FaceTime calls. “Hi Dad. It’s Kelly calling”, I’d say. “Hi Kelly Calling”, he’d chime back. I loved that. We learned to just be with each other in the moment. After his rehab in spring 2020 he was discharged to live at home. Then the pandemic was declared and we were all in lockdown and isolation. Newly enlivened, appreciative and engaged, Alden connected with family and friends, near and far by telephone, email, Facebook and text. He began to visit with Paul’s family more often, being welcomed to join their COVID bubble. Even his joke emails, despite some that were off-colour, were an uplift for many of us. “You gotta laugh”, he’d say, “What else CAN you do?”

When in late September 2021 it became clear that his cancer had returned and worsened, he accepted his condition and was actually pleased to be admitted to Parkwood Hospital. “They have good meatloaf there,” he recalled. They also have exceptionally skilled, wise, kind, and compassionate staff.

While at Parkwood he became even more interested in my life and in Paul’s, told us regularly that he loved us, and he asked more questions and listened to our answers: “How’s it going? How’s Catherine? How’s work? How’s Paula? How’re the boys? What news from the outside world?” He was always happy to see Paul in person, making a point to express his gratitude for those visits. A couple of times, he hugged Paul tighter and longer than usual. Those hugs will stay with Paul forever.

Four months is a long time to be in palliative care. But as many of you know from your phone visits with him, he didn’t “feel” sick. As recently as last week, he was very much himself, in good spirits, cheerful, chatty, cracking jokes, singing, enjoying phone calls and in-person visits (when COVID precautions permitted).

A few days before he died he mumbled something to Paula about “grabbing $150 bucks and heading out on the road”. Apparently it’s not unusual for a dying person to speak about death in terms of travel or a journey. Alden loved road trips. Loved exploring the country/countryside. With Kelly-Anne and Paul. With Carole. And solo. He and I roadtripped from Whitehorse to Inuvik on a formative co-adventure in 2010: “Dad ‘n Daughter Drive the Dempster”. It makes us smile to think Dad believed he is going on a road trip.

It’s been a source of surprise and delight – and incredibly heart-opening – to hear from so many of Alden’s former schoolmates, colleagues, relatives, band mates, church friends, and Sugarcreek neighbours over these last four months. Dad had a LOT of friends – people who really liked and admired him. He was often seen as a source of positivity and goodness! We will all miss him. It feels great to have so many colourful memories of Alden. The best of him lives on in all of us. That kind of love never dies.

The morning after he died, numb with grief yet remembering how he loved Tim Horton’s, McDonalds and being in his vehicle, Catherine and I pulled ourselves out of our home, picked up Timmies and McMuffins, and sat in our pickup truck watching the ocean. It started to rain so we turned on the heated seats. And drained the truck battery. “You gotta laugh”, we could hear him say. “What CAN you do?” I knew what to do. Roadside assistance was just a phone call away. It just took tapping into our inner resourcefulness, and patience. He taught me that.

It is said that we stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. I’m proud of my Dad; I accept that he was who he was, and he wasn’t who he wasn’t. I’m proud to be his daughter. I’m proud of Paul and I, and the lives we’re making.

If Alden was a diamond in the rough, he leaves behind some great cuts.

Alden’s Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/alden.malcomson

Alden’s musical tastes and experiences were many. To create a playlist of his favourite songs would be an encyclopedic task! Instead, here are some songs that bring Alden to mind:
– Swingin’ Shepherd Blues by Moe Koffman (https://youtu.be/xH1X_PTYYu4)

– Midnight Special by Creedence Clearwater Revival (https://youtu.be/T00eJSQimIk)

– Wimoweh, live version by The Kingston Trio (https://youtu.be/FyMjx1ivyK0

– Colour My World by Chicago (https://youtu.be/cWkXmx-0phc

– Hymn of Promise (https://youtu.be/0JEbjuKXCLI

– Morning Has Broken, Cat Stevens’ version (https://youtu.be/3Rifby1tVE8)

– I Just Called to Say I Love You by Stevie Wonder (https://youtu.be/1bGOgY1CmiU)