Frederick Howard “Fred” Mowat

Fred, I will miss you. I remember living with you at Grace’s and all the chaos of being there. You belonged with us. I remember being at your wedding in Newfoundland, and how happy you were in the wilderness there. You belonged there. I remember at a family gathering, how happy/excited/proud you were to be a Dad, even if you weren’t exactly sure about it all. I remember you gathered in, to the circle with my brother Bruce, and Brad and uncle Frank, all laughing about something. You belonged with us. Your laugh was unmistakable, and it was contagious, maybe because it was a rare occasion…whatever the reason, it always made me smile. I think we all recognized your silent struggle. You were a private person, except for a select few. I wish now that I could have done more to make your suffering end less painfully, less lonely. I feel the sadness of your life lost, and all of the people, events and happiness you will now miss, and that we will very much miss with you. We wanted you to grow old with us, and even if we didn’t see you very often, we would know you were there. That you were there, was important to us, and maybe you didn’t know. You should have known, you belonged with us. But depresssion is like that, isn’t it? It takes away what you feel, what you know, and shifts everything into a dark hole. We always think it is us, that deep down there is something wrong with us. But there isn’t. There wasn’t anything wrong with you Fred. What was wrong, was that depression had taken away so much of what you knew and loved, that it was too painful, too tiring to go on or to ask for more help. I am so sorry that your struggle was so great. And I am sorry that you won’t be here with us to share the future, especially for your children, step-children and Rita and the rest of your extended family. Fred, you belonged with us, and we will miss you.